Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know that you have a lot of requests to answer this year and I wish that mine was as simple as a new doll or toy. Unfortunately, when you've grown up that isn't always what one needs to make it into the New Year.

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep at night because I feel like such a failure. Unfortunately that seems like all I've done for the last several weeks.

I really don't want a lot and don't expect anyone to give me anything that I don't have to work for but I'm just so tired of struggling to get by lately. I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way and that there are actually people that have it a whole lot worse than I do. I'm currently sitting in a nice warm house (not mine) in front of a computer (again not mine). But I do have a roof over my head (for now) and I had a nice warm dinner tonight. So again probably not the worst story you'll hear this year.

I really miss having a job that I loved that allowed me to support myself and my child. Luckily the kid is starting their own life and off to college. Unfortunately, I'm not able to help out like I had planned.

I've always considered giving my time more important than giving my money to charities or non-profits but now I don't feel like I can be positive enough to volunteer someplace without bringing everyone else around me down and I definitely don't have the money to donate. Please have the non-profits not send me anymore year end donation appeals, they just make me feel that much worse right now.

Lately it seems that every time I cut back expenses or try to set just a little bit aside something happens so that my income ends up cut in half...again. How many times can you cut something in half before it ends up practically nothing. I am bringing in less now in a month than I was paid for half a week at my original job.

I don't expect to win the lottery...Though that would be really nice. I would just love one of the many jobs that I've applied for that will get me back into a field that has potential for growth to hire me. I'm fairly intelligent, semi-presentable in public, willing to work hard, and don't mind long hours.

I'm not even asking you for someone in my life. So, yes I do mention it to my friends, passing it off as a joke that I would love nothing more than to find that Santa put a living breathing person in my Christmas stocking this year. But that wouldn't be fair to the person or myself. I've given up on someone ever actually falling in love with me. It isn't that I'm unlovable (at least I try not to be) but I'm so used to being on my own that I don't know if I would even know how to be part of a couple at this point.

So I guessing after all that whining in the letter up above if you haven't totally tuned me out; because there really are many other people in the same situation or worse; that there is only one thing I want from you for Christmas this year.

HOPE

With just a little bit of HOPE so many things are possible:

I can have HOPE that 2012 will be better than the last several years.

I can have HOPE that when the phone rings it will be that job offer that I need right now.

I can have HOPE that just maybe someone will come into my life that makes me feel loved.

I can have HOPE that I wont be a failure anymore.

I can have HOPE for so many things that just aren't there right now.

If you can't give me HOPE could you please give PEACE.

I know that PEACE is probably a much taller order than HOPE and that there are too many hurt and angry people in this world for that right now but if everyone practiced PEACE for even one day it would be so much nicer.

Sincerely,

Me

Someone that is feeling extremely HOPEless right now